Thursday, 10 February 2000
http://www.azstarnet.com/public/dnews/124-7172.html
Jeffry Scott,
The Arizona Daily Star
By M. Scot Skinner
The Arizona Daily Star
Same-sex couples cannot marry in Arizona or any other state.
But that didn't stop Colette Barajas from proposing to Carolyn
Miller more than six years ago.
After an 18-month engagement, they exchanged vows at St. Francis
in the Foothills on Nov. 11, 1995, and Miller changed her last
name to Barajas.
Colette's father, a midwestern steelworker, gave her away, while
her mother nearly gave up the ghost.
``It was really hard for her,'' said Colette. ``I think the fear
from both of our parents was that we wouldn't have a happy life.''
Colette Barajas will speak about same-sex marriage during Saturday's
observance of National Freedom to Marry Day, an event launched
in 1998 to push for the legal sanctioning of homosexual unions.
She said that after their ceremony at St. Francis, her mother
told her that she had ``ruined it for all the other lesbians in
Tucson, because there'll never be another wedding as beautiful
as this.''
Carolyn's mother also attended the ceremony, although it took
some persuasion.
``When I invited her, she said, `You know I don't support that
part of your life.' That hit me like a ton of bricks.''
But all of that doubt and awkwardness vanished soon enough, and
today Colette and Carolyn say they bask in unconditional support
from their families.
``That's been the most miraculous part of all of this,'' said
Colette Barajas, 46, who is running for the Legislature in District
13.
Saturday will be Tucson's first observance of National Freedom
to Marry Day.
Last year, more than 70 events were held in 32 states, according
to the Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund, a national organization
that fights for lesbian and gay civil rights.
Tucson's event will include a performance by Desert Voices, a
gay and lesbian choral group, and a commitment ceremony for a
lesbian couple who declined to be identified for this story. The
day of advocacy was organized by QueerVoice, an HIV prevention
group for gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgendered youth.
The time will come when gay and lesbian unions are legally sanctioned
in the United States, said Mike Pollack, 20, coordinator of QueerVoice.
``I do believe the day is coming, and I do believe it's going
to be soon. We've made incredible strides as a community. Our
youth need to know that they are normal and that they deserve
equality in marriage and love.''
That's why it's so important for young gays and lesbians to have
role models such as Colette and Carolyn, he said.
``I think that they are a wonderful example of what can be,''
he said. ``Not everybody wants to be married, and not everybody
should be married, but to know that it's possible is what's important.''
Same-sex couples, even those in committed relationships that are
decades old, are denied an array of protections that come automatically
for married couples.
These rights and responsibilities include hospital visitation
rights, the right to file a joint tax return, joint parenting
and adoption rights, obtaining joint insurance and health coverage
and rights of survivorship.
Gay advocates recently were invigorated by the Vermont Supreme
Court, which ruled in December that homosexual couples are entitled
to the same benefits and protections as married heterosexual couples.
The court left it up to the Legislature to determine whether to
legalize marriage for gay couples or to design a domestic partnership
status providing equality. A key committee backed a domestic partnership
arrangement yesterday.
Many states are fighting judicial moves to allow gay marriage.
Thirty states, including Arizona, have passed laws specifically
banning same-gender marriages. California voters will decide next
month whether to do the same.
Arizona lawmakers cited the need to preserve the sanctity of marriage
for heterosexuals. They also were concerned about the costs of
providing health coverage to domestic partners.
Rep. Tom Smith, chairman of the House Judiciary Committee in 1996,
was a major force behind the law. Contemplating the idea of a
man marrying another man, he said: ``I can't think of anything
more disgusting.''
As for Colette and Carolyn, they'll have another wedding if and
when gays gain the freedom to marry (``Any excuse for another
honeymoon,'' joked Colette).
``When will the laws change regarding same-sex marriage? When
we ask for it,'' said Colette. ``Women did not gain the right
to vote by sitting at home waiting for it to happen. They had
to get out and fight for it.''
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The Lambda Legal Defense and Education Fund fights for
lesbian and gay civil rights.
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